What Kind of Person Would Buy a Rude Garden Gnome?
By Lacy Schley
Everyone knows a good garden gnome is the height of class and sophistication. With their adorable red hats, pointy beards, and kind smiles it’s no wonder they can be found gracing the perfectly manicured lawns of every family with children on the block. But what about those people who pepper their landscape with snarky, foul-mouthed and downright raunchy gnomes? Who would do such a thing?!
This reporter decided to find out.
Lacy Schley spent twelve days as an undercover garden gnome journalist (they prefer to be called “gardeners”) at the Gnome Depot outside of town to determine what sort of person would step out their front door and smile at a little garden man who calls people “b***hes” and urinates on bushes.
“Oh, I got a couple of those when I was in college,” said Bobbi Tucker, 49, from her home three doors down from the depot. “They’re hilarious! They always cheer me up when I’m feeling s***ty. Plus, they’re such good decorations for the yard – my husband and I always get compliments on them.”
“I’ve seen them around,” said Jonathan Latchly, a junior at nearby Crest High School. “They’re pretty funny! It’s cool to have something that other people don’t have.”
“I don’t know how you could be offended by them,” said Gertrude Carson, a long-time Crest resident. “I think they’re great!”
But not everyone is so enthusiastic about the gnomes in their town. “They’re disgusting – it’s an embarrassment to the city,” said Mayor Samuel Fregler, who has been in office for 14 years. “I don’t know who would think that something like that is appropriate.”
“They’re just gnomes,” said Mike O’Connell, a retired bartender. “Come on – they’re funny! I love them. My grandchildren come over to visit sometimes, and they laugh at all the rude ones.”
“I don’t understand why people are so upset about these things,” said Matt Gable, a man who works at an outdoor equipment store. “They’re just gnomes. And they’re pretty funny gnomes – the one with the big nose and the man in his underwear? That’s HILARIOUS! Plus, they sell well. I mean, it shows that they’re popular – if nobody wanted them, then why would the company make more?”
“I am sick and tired of all these ridiculous complaints about how these gnomes are offensive,” said Bobbie Wilson, a local businesswoman. “People need to get over themselves! It’s no big deal.”
“I think they’re great,” said Jessica Spiegel, a sales clerk at an antique shop. “They have a lot of personality – people need to lighten up and stop being so sensitive! Gertrude Carson obviously has no problem with them.”
What Kind of Rude Gnomes Can You Find for Sale?
There are many different rude garden gnomes available in the United States, but in Crest County, you can find them in stores all over town. Here are just a few of the options that are available there:
- Gnome as a pirate, holding a rubber chicken and a bottle of rum
- Gnome who appears to have his private parts stuck in the hose he is holding
- “Sleepytime” gnome with an eerily realistic expression on his face
- “Gnome bather,” who has just emerged from the tub
- “Man with no pants,” who is walking in the opposite direction of another gnome
- Gnome holding a knife and fork, looking at another gnome who appears to be an entree
- “Blow Pipers” – two male gnomes playing musical instruments
- A family of three (parents and child) who appear to be locked in an eternal struggle
- Gnome with his fly unzipped
- “Gnome puker,” holding onto a toilet bowl as if he were about to vomit
- “Nude dude” – gnome without any clothes on, painting himself blue
- “Rich gnome,” who has an enormous pile of gold coins
- Gnome showing the “middle finger” hand sign, and another gnome giving the “double middle finger”
- Gnome with a large bottle of alcohol and a red cup
What Kind of People Would Buy Rude Garden Gnomes?
It is difficult to find out much about the kinds of people who buy these gnomes, since they are usually purchased as a gift and not by the actual buyer. However, it is possible to make some educated guesses about these types of consumers. They may include:
- Teenagers
- College students
- People with low self-esteem
- Men who don’t like women
- People who live with their mother and/or father
- Old people who do not understand modern culture very well, or young children
- Husbands and wives who cannot communicate with each other in a healthy way
In other words, it is likely that rude garden gnomes are purchased by people who do not understand how to interact in healthy, productive relationships with other human beings.
Do Rude Garden Gnomes Help People Who Are Overweight?
One of the most popular uses for these types of gnomes is as weight loss devices. Studies have shown that whenever an overweight person peers out of their window and sees a gnome urinating on the wall, they feel over 200% more embarrassed about their weight. That is why many people like to put these gnomes in front of windows where friends and family members can see them – it is a powerful “shame amplifier” that can be used to help people get into shape!
What Do People Think about Rude Garden Gnomes?
Many people in the community are “split” when it comes to their feelings about these gnomes. Some of them love them, while others do not think that they are appropriate for outdoor placement. However, nobody thinks that they are flat-out “ugly.”
Which Type of Gnome is the Ugliest?
The gnomes that seem to receive the most complaints are “Rich Gnome” and “Blow Pipers.” However, this may have more to do with the fact that they are “displayed” in front of some very prominent homes. Nobody seems to mind it quite as much when they are seen on the lawns of less-powerful people.
Does the Community Have Any Plans to Ban Rude Garden Gnomes?
Many individuals in Crest County would like to see these gnomes placed only in front yards, and not on public property. The idea that anyone can walk by your home and see one of these big orange “dirigibles” makes many people feel like they are living in a fishbowl.
Crest County, Missouri (PRWEB) September 11, 2013 [Retrieved 05/09/2021]