Everyone’s heard of the Ancient Greeks. Some people will remember that they were a civilization who thrived from about 900 BC up until the Roman Empire took over in 146 BC. What most people DON’T know is that these ancient philosophers also had some things to say about gardening and lawn care, including theories on how you should maintain your garden gnome collection. In fact, their ideas are still used today by many modern-day gardeners! Here are seven pieces of their advice on the seven key powers of garden gnomes.
1. To Trick a Porch Thief
One of the Ancient Greeks most often quoted is Pythagoras. He’s said to have noted that “anyone who steals from a garden gnome will be punished”. Unfortunately for most people, our old friend Pythagoras makes no mention of what this punishment might entail. However, there are a few possibilities:
- It could be that the law prohibits the burglar from ever stealing from a garden gnome again.
- The thief could be turned into a garden gnome themselves – which would surely discourage further theft!
- The intruder might suffer a sudden attack of acute appendicitis, which can certainly feel like a punishment in and of itself.
2. To Protect a Garden from a Groundhog
Aristotle said that an everyday garden gnome “cannot be killed by the first bite of a groundhog”. While this may SEEM like good news, it’s only because Aristotle had never met Punxsutawney Phil.
Unfortunately for garden gnomes everywhere, groundhogs do not respect the power of even an everyday garden gnome. If you’re having problems with one of these furry bandits (or if your lawn is also under attack by chipmunks or moles), then maybe it’s time to think about getting a live animal trap, which will provide you with a humane and effective solution.
3. To Defeat a Bucktooth Vampire
The Ancient Greeks were very big on the idea of protecting yourself from harmful creatures, and one of their favorite was Nox, the bucktooth vampire (the origin of which is still unclear). While there’s nothing that says that an everyday garden gnome can kill or defeat Nox, they can certainly protect you from him.
Just like any other vampire, bucktooth vampires hate the smell of garlic – so keeping your garden gnomes in strategic places around your lawn will keep even these dangerous creatures at bay!
4. To Hand Out Leaflets
Aristotle was a philosopher who had some good things to say about the garden gnomes, one of which is that they should be used for handing out leaflets. Whether you’re looking to advertise your business, or just trying to encourage people to vote, first-class gardening gnomes are an excellent choice for this sort of thing.
5. To Create Drama
Euripedes was another Ancient Greek philosopher who wrote about garden gnomes – he said that their power is to create drama. While it’s unclear what he meant by this, many think that Euripedes was referring to the power of everyday garden gnomes to stir up emotions by sparking conversations and provoking memories. Either way, it sounds like something worth considering!
6. To Keep Frost Off a Car’s Windshield
In the extreme cold, your car’s windshield can fog up from your breath. This isn’t just a problem for you – it also prevents other drivers from seeing what’s in front of them! One way to prevent this from happening is to place an everyday garden gnome on your windshield – and that’s where the Ancient Greeks come in. Believe it or not, they recommended that every car should have its own garden gnome (perhaps because they enjoyed their own!)
7. To Send a Cat After an Eavesdropper
Aristotle also wrote that “if someone is eavesdropping, a garden gnome can scare them off”. While the philosopher never specified how this would be done, it seems like this would depend on the circumstances. One way might be to have a cat hide behind the garden gnome – then when the eavesdropper approaches, have them jump out at them! Spooky!
Bonus! To Alert Others of a Porch Boy
In the Ancient Greek comedy Ekklesiazousai, a character called the Porch Boy is responsible for identifying visitors. In order to do this, he hides behind a corner and then jumps out at the visitor when they get close enough. If you have an everyday garden gnome that has been strategically positioned in your yard, it’s possible that they might serve a similar purpose – but it’s never too late to add one!
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