It’s the dog days of summer. The sun shines down on you without relief and sweat forms around your brow as you water the lawn for the third time that day. Your feet ache from walking back and forth across the tile floors in search of just one more ice cube to cool your parched throat. Then it hits you: why do you spend all this time keeping your grass green and creating a power lawn when the neighbors have turned their side of the yard into a barren wasteland?

What can you do to compete with such neglect? You’ve tried everything from talking to the neighbor face-to-face, leaving notes in their mailbox, and even taking to social media, but your efforts have been met with resistance. And so you’ve decided enough is enough and it’s time for a war. A garden gnome war.

And so you bought ten gnomes in average height and stuck them in the bushes at the edge of your yard, facing it. Your neighbors left their windows open that day since they thought it was an unusually warm one for early September, but when they saw your lawn full of life—and death—they shut their shades tight. The battle had begun and your side was ready.

Gnomes are small, they’re easy to hide, and they’re meant to be seen from a distance. So how can you use them to make someone feel bad? Let’s find out.

Plant your garden gnomes too close to the property line

If you plant your gnomes right by the edge of their lawn, you know they’ll see them every time they look out their window. Sure, it’s not much, but it will make them feel bad knowing they are being constantly reminded that at least one house on the block has a lawn that is better cared for than theirs.

Plant your garden gnomes on top of their trash cans

When they leave for work in the morning, you want them to see your gnomes happily sitting on top of their trash cans. It’s just another reminder that you’ve got their yard beat and it will also let them know that you enjoy watching them try to figure out how to get the lids off. And if they go out and try to take the gnomes off, make sure you post a picture on social media. That will really drive them up the wall.

Pop your garden gnomes’ heads through the fence and wave hello

If they notice this one, it could be an awkward encounter if they don’t know what’s going on. But if they do know, it’s going to make their blood boil. It’s a passive aggressive maneuver to scare them, but not in a way that could warrant calling the police.

Plant your garden gnomes in a formation that spells out “LOSER”

If you have the time and desire, this is one of the best ways to get back at someone with a yard that seems to be constantly abandoned. In order to do it right, you’ll want to plan this ahead of time and make friends with most of your neighbors on the block. When they are all at home, have everyone bring their gnomes to that one neighbor’s house and place them in a formation that spells out “LOSER” on their lawn. Then just sit back and watch as your neighbor tries to figure out where all these **m* gnomes are coming from.

Plant your garden gnomes in a formation that spells out “IDIOT”

This is the second best way to get back at someone with a yard that seems to be constantly abandoned. Just like the last idea, make friends with the other neighbors on the block and have them all bring their gnomes to that one neighbor’s house. But this time, spell out “IDIOT” on their lawn. Don’t give any warning and just do it while they’re doing something else, such as watching TV inside or taking a shower. If you get them good enough, there might even be some tears.

Plant your garden gnomes in a formation that spells out “I’m going to murder you”

Not as funny, but it will make them fear for their lives.

Hire a gnome to stand in front of their car and wave at them

This one will take time and lots of money (but if you’re rich, it shouldn’t be an issue). Hire the services of a professional actor who specializes in playing gnomes. Then pay him or her to stand outside your neighbor’s house and wave at them. You’ll have to hire several actors so they don’t know who is doing it, but if your neighbor is an idiot, they probably won’t notice at all.

Set your garden gnomes to dance

Find really annoying music and play it on repeat. Then bury them in the dirt enough that only their heads are showing (and they’re facing the neighbor’s yard). Make sure the music is loud enough so they hear it when they are outside, but not too loud because you don’t want to have a noise complaint on your hands.

Create Your Own Gnome That Looks Exactly Like Them

Create your own gnome that looks exactly like the person you want to terrorize. Put it in their yard, and they’ll never know where it came from. If they see it, make sure you make your way over to them and act like nothing is wrong. Keep an eye on their reaction, and if they approach you like everything is normal, laugh hysterically and do a little dance while telling them how much of an idiot they are for not noticing the gnomes in their yard.

If they do notice the gnome, make sure you record the incident and post it on social media. They might cry.

Plant your garden gnomes in a formation that spells out “SUCK IT”

If they have a problem with what’s going on, let them know who has the last laugh.

Put up an illuminated disco gnome on your lawn with a rotating strobe light

A great prank to terrorize your neighbors with is to put up an illuminated disco gnome with a strobe light on your lawn. Not only will it drive them up the wall, but it also pisses them off when they’re trying to sleep at night.

Make your gnomes reproduce

This is one of the most overlooked ways to terrorize your neighbors with garden gnomes and also the easiest. If you don’t want to put any time or effort into any of the other ideas, all you need to do is ‘make some more gnomes’. All you need to do is bury your gnomes in the dirt and eventually more will grow out of the ground. It may take a few days, but patience really pays off with this one because it’s extremely hard for anyone to see once they’re covered again with soil.

Now, it won’t be an immediate effect, but eventually they’ll be so tired of it that they’ll have no choice but to move away.

Vandalize their lawn furniture

If you have the extra time, making gnome sized *h*t piles on their lawn chairs or tables is always a good idea. If they are dumb enough to put them in the yard when they know people are watching, it’s never going to get old. But if you don’t have time to do this, you can always just break their chairs when they’re not looking and leave them laying in the yard.

Plant your garden gnomes in a formation that spells out “R U MINE”

If you’re single, this is the ultimate burn to let them know that not only are their gnomes unattractive, but your love life is better than theirs because it includes you AND someone else. If you’re taken, this one is still funny because it’s trolling them with the ultimate goal of causing someone discomfort.

Make creepy prancing gnome videos

If you know that your neighbor watches YouTube or something like that (who doesn’t?) make a video of dancing garden gnomes prancing around like it’s some weird version of “Footloose.” You can put them on your own lawn or take them to their yard. The last thing you want is for someone to see you through a window while you’re doing this and having it come back to haunt you.

Purchase the Gnome TerrorizerTM (pictured above)

This is a device that can be used to terrorize your neighbors with. It’s a robot that looks like a garden gnome and it moves on the ground, making its way across their lawn. The device can be programmed to shout out phrases, such as “Hello Neighbor!” or “I am coming for you!” After dark, when they least expect it, the Terrorizer will activate and do its job. When they investigate, there will be no signs of it or how it was activated.

They probably won’t be able to figure out what you’re doing until it’s too late.

What About THEIR Gnomes?

To make them want to kill you for ruining their dream, put THEIR gnomes in the most horrifying formations possible.

For example- little bleeding hunks of meat with bloodied rabbit fur in rotting piles that spells out the word “HUNGRY.” Or use baby teeth and eyeballs to spell out screams or just casually scatter human bones across their yard. Ideas are endless!

Do bear in mind, though… The last thing you want is for someone to see you through a window while you’re doing this and having it come back to haunt you. Alternatively:

Fill their gnome with cement

This one is the easiest, but requires a good amount of extra time and money. The only thing that’s required to pull this off is a few bags of quick setting concrete and an accessible garden gnome. If you don’t mind spending $20 on something like this, there will be no stopping you once it’s done.

Nail their garden gnomes to a tree

This is the least funny one, but still pretty good. I would only recommend this if you know they are going off to war or something and won’t be home for a few months. Just go to their lawn when they aren’t looking and hammer all of their gnomes’ heads into a tree in their yard. When they get back, they will wonder where all their gnomes went and how they got nailed to the tree…

Fill their gnome with dog poop

You can even make this one extra painful by using something like dry ice or liquid nitrogen to make it cold enough that they won’t be able to tell what’s inside the statue right away. This will teach them to take care of their yard, but probably won’t kill them.

List their garden gnomes for sale on Craigslist

Again, this is an excellent prank to pull when they leave town without realizing their gnomes are missing because it will be very difficult for them to prove that you did it. If you know how to use Craigslist or even just the internet in general, there’s a good chance you’ll find someone who wants your neighbor’s ugly garden gnome before they even get back.

Burn their gnomes’ faces off with acid or lye

This is an excellent way to really drive home the point that you’re actually trying to kill them by destroying something they love. All you need for this one is a bottle of acid or lye, which shouldn’t be too difficult to procure from somewhere if you think about it.

Fill their gnomes with bees, wasps or other stinging insects

This is a great prank if you know your neighbors are afraid of either bees/wasps OR garden gnomes. All you need to do is find out which one they’re afraid of and fill all of their garden gnome’s mouths full of bees/wasps.

Fill their gnome with candy, toys and p**n* mags

This is another prank that works great if you know they’re gone for a long time because chances are all of the candy/p**n* mags will be gone by the time they return. It also works as an effective teaching tool to remind them that their children shouldn’t go through other peoples’ mail and that they should be more careful.

Fill their gnomes with gasoline and ash

This one will probably work best if you set the garden gnome on fire at night while they’re sleeping so it doesn’t burn down their house. If you don’t, there’s a good chance the neighbors will just assume it’s litter or something.

Fill their gnomes with glitter, glitter glue and/or confetti

This is another great one if you know they’re going to be gone for a while because chances are their whole yard will be covered in sparkly *h*t when they get back. Just make sure you do this at night so they don’t see you.

Terrorizing your neighbors with garden gnomes doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated. There are plenty of simple, cheap ideas that you can use to teach them a lesson while they’re out on vacation or just not paying attention. All it takes is some creativity and the willingness to get down in their lawns when nobody’s looking!

If this article has given you an idea for how YOU want to terrorize YOUR neighbor(s), let us know so we can help you execute your plan successfully. Our team of experts are ready and waiting here at BuyGardenGnomes.com, eager to partner with YOU in any way necessary. Which one sounds like something YOU would do if THEY were gone?