Have you ever checked with the customs office to see if your gnome is safe? Perhaps it is too early and you want to know what they will ask. If so this article might be useful for you. We have summarized some questions that were asked by customs officers around the world in an effort to ease the anxiety of those that are planning to take their gnome on a trip.
We would like to point out that these questions were asked as examples and not as an exhaustive list. “Every office is different”, we were told. This is why we cannot guarantee that your gnome will make it back home safely if you follow this advice.
What should I do if the gnome is broken?
We can’t guarantee that your gnome will make it through customs without breaking, the best you can hope for is to have all pieces.
Customs officers are looking for an explanation, they want to understand why you are traveling with a broken gnome. The best way to explain this is to tell them that your gnome fell on the floor, or off a table. They want an explanation for how it broke and they will ask you to prove it.
If you cannot provide one, expect major complications with the customs office. They will probably make you open the box so they can see if what you are saying is true. If the pieces of your gnome are small you should be prepared for a long and unpleasant negotiation with customs officers.
What if my gnome is not broken?
This, in theory, should be simple. “If it’s not broken why do you have to travel with it?” will probably be the first question customs officers will ask you.
The best way of proving that your gnome is not broken is by showing them a picture of the gnome in its original state, and one after it has been packed. A simple e-mail with these two photos attached should be enough to convince the customs officers that the item won’t break during your journey.
What if I don’t have pictures?
If you do not have pictures to prove that the gnome is in one piece, you should take it out of its box and put it horizontally on a table with all pieces visible. A picture taken from above will probably help convince them that there are no damages. A video or a simple explanation from an expert could also help.
What if I only have pictures that show my gnome broken?
If you can’t provide photos of it in one piece, the best thing to do is to print a photo of another gnome and say “this is how mine looked like before”. Customs officers usually accept this as an explanation so long as you don’t look like a drug dealer.
What if I don’t speak the language?
Some countries require you to fill out forms before entering, others would accept your gnome without requiring any explanation whatsoever. It would be best to get in touch with the embassy of that country and ask what they recommend you do. If there is no embassy or consulate for your destination country, we recommend that you print and fill out all available forms and take them with you in case they ask.
What if the gnome is not mine?
Don’t do it! Taking someone else’s things through customs is illegal, if it gets confiscated you will probably end up in jail. Such a thing may have actually happened to a gnome smuggler in Canada, but it’s unconfirmed.
What if I can’t take the gnome with me?
If the gnome is absolutely necessary to live and you can not take it with you, we recommend that you try to hand it over to a friend or relative and ask them to do something nice for you while your gnome is away.
What if I can’t live without my gnome?
If you need your gnome to live we recommend that you seek psychiatric help as soon as possible, we’re sure that there is a doctor somewhere who can help you and even write you a note. If this isn’t an option and the only way of getting your gnome back is to take it illegally, we recommend that you travel alone to avoid suspicion.
How much does it cost?
The price of entry depends on the country where you are coming from and the value of your gnome. Lowering its value would help lower the costs, but we don’t recommend this as customs officers will get suspicious.
Do I get my gnome back after?
Your gnome will almost certainly get destroyed during the investigation, but if you make a good impression and provide all required documents to prove its origin and original state you might be able to become friends with the custom officers and convince them to give it back in a later date. We do not recommend asking for a receipt during this process as it will only raise their suspicions.
Are there other ways to get my gnome through customs?
There are a few alternative methods of getting your gnome through customs, but we don’t recommend them as they all have high risks of being discovered or just not working at all. They include:
– Hiding your gnome inside other objects
– Using a false bottom in your suitcase
– Putting the gnome into something that looks like an innocent object, such as a cardboard box.
Please note that all these methods are highly illegal! Authorized people may decide to report you for breaking the law if they catch you using any of these methods. The outcome of this may vary depending on what country you are coming from and the amount of money you throw at your case, but chances are that they will send you to jail for a couple of years.
We recommend using registered mail instead, which is often free for small parcels. This way the custom officers know where to find your gnome in case they need it.
References:
– How to get your gnome through customs by Norbert Alexander, BSc.
– A Gnomist’s experiences with the Postal Service. By an anonymous author.
– Disabled man smuggles his dead pet turtle into Eastern Europe using a condom because ‘he didn’t want to leave it in a fridge’. By Jay Akbar.
– This is why you don’t bring drugs to the airport. By Jeff Rossen.
– The Gnomes were at my door last night by Noam Jolles, BSc.
– Posting Myself In February 2013, by John Dooley.
– Packed to the brim by John Dooley.
– Use of condoms in smuggling cases still common, By Daniel Villeneuve, BSc.
– Imprisoned turtle smuggler given extra time to pay for crimes. By Michael Carroll.
– Animal smuggling through Cusco’s South Airport still popular. By Leonide Fernandez Rojas.
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