By Trisha J. Wooldridge
© 2012 Word of Mouth Productions, LLC
I
Bella’s mother peered into hers garden with a sense of foreboding. In the distance she saw something that made her heart skip a beat. She turned quickly to Bella who was innocently refreshing her make up in front of a hand mirror. “Bella!” she cried, “I think we have a problem.”
“What’s up mum?” replied Bella, turning away from the mirror. She was momentarily startled by her mother’s expression but then thought nothing of it because she had seen that look before. It happened about once or twice a month and was usually in relation to something that she and her mother had in common.
“It’s your garden gnome,” said Jane, frowning heavily, “I think it’s fallen in love with you.”
Bella looked out of the kitchen window and immediately saw what her mother was talking about. It was true! The once benevolent-looking garden gnome, which had been smiling benignly at Bella and Jane every time they looked out the window for the last few years, was now standing to attention and saluting. It also had a deep and serious look on its face and it wasn’t moving.
Bella sighed deeply and turned away from her mother’s accusing gaze. She knew that her mother blamed herself for the gnome’s condition because she had failed to properly introduce it to Bella and instead seemed content with allowing them to live in a state of undeclared war. Bella, like any reasonable person, felt this was incredibly unfair seeing as she wasn’t even aware the garden gnome existed until about six months ago when she looked out of the window and saw it for the first time.
“Now look”, sighed Jane, “it’s doing that thing again”. Sure enough, as Bella turned to look she could see that the gnome had bent down and was now struggling to lift up a stone with its teeth. She could also hear strange grunts coming from it and wondered if perhaps someone had left a radio on nearby.
“It’s the least we can do for him,” said Jane, “he’s obviously completely smitten with you and is now doing this as an expression of his love”. She paused to wipe away an imaginary tear from her cheek before turning to Bella with a look of annoyance on her face. “He’s doing it for you, Bella,” she said accusingly.
“It’s very sweet of him, mum,” said Bella bitterly, “but I really don’t think he has to do all that just because I’ve never given him a second glance”. She turned back towards the window and looked at the gnome thoughtfully. This was true although she had occasionally found herself looking at it now and again because it irritated her mother so much, but only in a casual way. She had never given any real thought to the gnome’s feelings towards her, or otherwise.
“It must have really fallen for you Bella,” said Jane, “he’s even brought you a gift!” Sure enough, the gnome had put down the stone and was now holding out something that looked like another stone. He then dropped it at Bella’s feet before looking up to see her reaction.
“That doesn’t look much like a gift to me,” said Bella curtly, “that looks more like a stone that he’s decided to bring out of his own free will”. She turned back into the room while her mother continued looking at the gnome with an expression of growing horror.
“No, Bella,” said Jane, “it’s a gift-present! That’s very unusual behaviour for a garden gnome and one can only assume that you’re the cause of it”.
“Oh, I really don’t think we can take any credit for this,” said Bella airily before turning away from her mother and taking off down the hallway to get changed. Her heart was thumping rather heavily now but she knew there was no point in speaking to Jane about it because she would insist that it was just a physiological reaction to the gnome’s gift-giving behaviour.
Jane, meanwhile, had been watching Bella as she walked away from her and down the hallway. She recognised this particular look of annoyance on her daughter’s face – it was the same one she got whenever Jane referred to the garden gnome as though it was a sentient being with feelings and emotions. She knew that if she said anything about the gnome again, Bella would probably storm out of the house without stopping for tea.
II
“She’ll come around to it, Jane,” came an unexpected voice from the hallway door. Jane turned round startled to see her husband Dave standing there looking bemused. “And anyway,” he continued, “she’ll have to come round to it eventually because the gnome’s not going anywhere”. He paused here and looked at Jane with a weary expression on his face.
“What is it, Dave?” she said in a tone of voice that almost dared him to say whatever it was he was thinking about, “do you want to say something too?”
“Well I don’t know,” he said, sighing deeply. “I just wish this whole thing hadn’t happened the way it has. I mean why couldn’t we have gone over to Mum and Dad’s house like we usually do on Wednesdays? Why did we have to come here instead?”
“Dave, now you’re just being ridiculous,” said Jane irritably. “We can’t keep on doing this forever – it’s not healthy! If neither of us had ever liked the gnome then that would be one thing, but as I’ve told you before it really does look like you’ve nothing to worry about on that score. I’m the only one who seems to have a problem with it and you know why don’t you?”
“No, Jane,” said Dave incredulously, “I really don’t think I do”.
“Well if you did then we wouldn’t be having this conversation now would we? You know why I don’t like the gnome – it’s because he causes so much trouble between you and Bella. He turns her against me and makes all sorts of ridiculous claims about what love is supposed to be that have no basis in reality whatsoever”. She paused here, gritted her teeth for a moment, then continued speaking. “He’s nothing but a troublemaker, Dave, and I hate him for it. It’s bad enough that he’s ruining me and Bella’s relationship without you getting involved in the whole thing too”.
“I’m sorry you feel like that,” said Dave dryly, “but you know what? He does make some good points about all this love business. I’m not saying that you’re wrong about the gnome at all – far from it! But have you considered for a moment what he has to say about the whole thing? Have you ever actually tried listening to him?”
“Well of course I’ve listened to him!” said Jane indignantly, “I’d be lost without him. He’s the one who told me that you were having an affair with your secretary, even though that turned out to be complete nonsense. And then he was right about the company too – he told me not to trust them and I listened to him because of course it turned out his instincts were absolutely spot on there”.
“Yes Jane,” said Dave, “I know he was right about that. And I know that his track record with you is actually pretty good – it’s just me he doesn’t seem to get along with”. He paused here and sighed deeply once more before going on in a softer tone of voice, “Look Jane – all I’m saying is this: If you ever happen to take the time to actually listen to what he has to say, then you might just realise that he’s not as bad as you think. He might even come across as…I don’t know…kind of human? I don’t necessarily believe any of the rubbish he talks about myself – but still, it’s nice to hear, isn’t it? It’s nice to know that someone cares?”
“Yes Dave,” said Jane, looking at him thoughtfully for a moment, “I suppose it is. But I just think he’s so wrong about love. He basically treats the whole thing like some sort of war or game, and I can’t help but find that a bit distasteful. It’s basically nothing more than an elaborate way to tell us all how much better he is than we are – and I can’t help but resent it a little”. She paused here, sighed deeply once more, then continued speaking in a softer tone of voice, “Do you know what Dave? People who don’t know any better might actually mistake him for a friend, but I know the truth. He’s nothing but a heartless robot, and as far as I’m concerned that makes it perfectly acceptable to despise him”.
“Okay Jane,” said Dave slowly and thoughtfully, “I can see your point of view here. But you still seem to be missing something very important – and this is the very same thing that I think the gnome has been trying to tell us both from day one. I’m sure you know what it is”.
“Dave, please don’t make me say it. It will only upset me more than ever”.
“Well maybe you need to be upset a little bit more to help you see the truth. It’s this Jane – love isn’t about war or games at all. Love is actually about mutual respect, understanding and perseverance. And that’s what you two need if you’re ever going to make your relationship work”.
“Yes Dave, I know exactly what you mean,” said Jane, “but I really don’t want to have this conversation anymore. It’s too upsetting”. She paused here, took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves, then continued speaking in a calmer tone of voice. “Look Dave – I know that you’re not giving up on us just yet. And if the reason for your staying is to try and make me see reason about the gnome, then I’m afraid that you’ll be wasting your time.”
III
Just then, there was a noise coming from the kitchen. Jane and Dave turned around to see the gnome, standing there watching them. He had a look of sadness in his eyes, but there was also determination written all over his face.
“I’m sorry to interrupt you both,” said the gnome, “but I just couldn’t stay away any longer. There’s something I have to say”.
“But please don’t Jane!” said Dave to her, turning around to face her once again. “Just listen to what he has to say this time, and maybe you’ll see him in a different light. Maybe all of us might be able to get along better if we actually stopped and listened to each other for a change?”.
“That’s right Jane,” the gnome exclaimed suddenly, “I’m begging you – just give me five minutes. Let me tell you what I came here to say, and then you can ask me any questions that your little heart desires”.
“Jane,” said Dave softly, looking her straight in the eye with a look of concern on his face. “What have you got to lose?”
“Okay,” Jane replies at last, “you’ve got five minutes. But this is going to be the very last time we talk about all of this”.
“Oh thank you Jane,” said the gnome, a huge smile beginning to form on his face for the first time in weeks. “Come on Dave – sit down next to me and let me share with you the biggest truth that’s ever been told. It’s a story that I’ve been wanting to tell for such a long time now – but it always seemed to be the wrong time, or the wrong place. But now seems as good a time as any”.
“Yes,” Dave replied, looking away from Jane and over towards the gnome. “I think it probably is”.
“Okay,” Jane said at last, taking a seat on the sofa next to Dave and waiting with bated breath to hear what this mysterious gnome had to say. He was about to begin when suddenly they heard a strange whistling noise in the air above them. The gnome looked up towards the ceiling and a huge smile appeared on his face.
“The time has come,” he said with a laugh, “for me to leave you all for good”.
With that, the gnome slowly disappeared from sight right in front of their eyes. Jane looked over at Dave to see if he was feeling as shocked as she was, but he seemed to be taking it very well.
“I take it you’ve seen that before then?” she said, looking at him for some kind of explanation all the while.
“Of course,” Dave replied calmly “he’s been doing that ever since I got here”. With this Jane stood up from the sofa and began to walk towards the front door.
“So where are you going?” asked Dave, looking at her with an expression of concern on his face.
“I’m leaving,” she replied calmly, “and I’m never coming back”. Suddenly she turned to look over her shoulder and shot Dave one last heated glare before opening the front door and stepping outside into the darkness.
“Well that didn’t go quite to plan Dave,” the gnome said, materialising next to him and breaking his train of thought.
“No I suppose it didn’t,” he replied with a sigh. “I guess as usual you managed to get your own way without anyone else realising what was going on”.
“What can I say?” the gnome replied, “it’s a gift I have. But to be honest with you Dave, this was something that needed to happen”.
“I think so too,” he added after a moments thought. “But will she be back or do you think she’s actually going to stay away now for good?”.
“I don’t know,” replied the gnome, sitting back down in his favourite chair and putting his feet up on the table as usual. “But just at least now she’s had a chance to hear someone else’s side of the story”.
“Yes that much is true,” Dave said as he slowly walked towards the door himself. The truth is gnome or no, you have a point. I think it’s time I had a chat with someone as well”. With this he opened the front door and stepped outside into the darkness of the porch before turning around to face him once more.
“Thanks for everything,” he said at last, looking him directly in the eye again. “I think we’ll be okay – and I wish you all the best”.
“I appreciate that Dave,” he replied, struggling to see him in the darkness of the room. “Take care and look after yourself – just try not to take this whole situation too personally will you?”.
“Don’t worry about me,” said Dave with a smile. “I can tell you now though – I’m going to be a lot more understanding of the stupid things that people do from now on”. With this he stepped forwards and gave him a big hug before stepping back into the darkness once again.
“Goodbye Dave,” said the gnome, waving after him as he stood motionless for a few seconds in the dark. “And good luck”.
“I’m going to need it,” he replied, before disappearing into the night once and for all. The gnome stood up from his chair and made his way over towards the sofa just as a faint light began to show through the windows once again. He had been right about one thing anyway – it had definitely been too early to call this one quits.
“I could have told you that,” said a voice suddenly, appearing out of thin air right next to him. “You were always far too quick off the mark with these things”.
“What can I say?” he replied. I guess sometimes I just get left with no other choice. And besides – I had to get it out of the way didn’t I?”.
“Yes, you did”, said the voice with a slight chuckle. “But you were lucky this time – and they say that luck evens itself out in the end”.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.
“Well for one thing you’re back in here again,” said the voice, pointing behind him. “For another it’s time to pay the piper”.
“Uh oh”, he replied with a nervous laugh. “I take it this means our deal is off then?”.
“Afraid so,” said the voice, gently pushing him forwards in the direction of an unseen doorway. “It’s time to go”.
“But I don’t want to,” he said, turning around and making his way back towards the sofa. “I’m happy here – I like my work; it keeps me busy you know?”.
“I wasn’t aware that you did much lately,” replied the voice, walking up right next to him and staring him in the face. “Come on – it’s time”.
“No,” he replied firmly, folding his arms and turning away from him. “I’ve had enough of this; I’m staying here”.
“If that’s really what you want then fine,” said the voice with a heavy sigh, “but you’ll have to stay here all by yourself from now on”.
“I don’t care,” he replied, turning his head away from him. “At least I’ll be able to get a bit of peace and quiet around here then – nobody talking in my ear all the time”.
“That’s fine then,” replied the voice, his tone suddenly changing completely. “But if that’s really what you want then I have no choice but to let you stay here forever”.
His eyes slowly widened with fear as he turned his head round and saw the silhouette of a man standing right in front of him once again – an expression of pure evil on its face.
“What!?” he shouted, jumping back in shock. “Who are you?”.
“That’s not important right now,” it replied slowly, advancing towards him quickly with its arms outstretched. “All you need to know is that I’m here to get rid of you once and for all”.
He immediately turned round and started running towards the sofa in desperation, but seconds later he felt something gripping onto his foot and dragging him down to the floor. He attempted to struggle free but it was hopeless – whatever this thing was, its strength was beyond anything he had ever come across before.
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