In case you haven’t heard, garden gnomes are a big deal. In fact, they’re so popular that an estimated 38% of American households have at least one. That’s more than the number of people who own cats and dogs combined–two very successful pets! Like their canine counterparts, however, gnomes have a dark side–they kill people too. While the number of people that are murdered by their pets each year is fairly small, there are numerous instances where gnomes have claimed innocent lives.
With that in mind… Here are 13 ice cold facts about garden gnomes that will chill your blood and leave you feeling small.
1) Garden gnomes are native to cold climates.
Garden gnomes hail from the mountainous regions of Germany, where they live in small communities some 4750 miles below the surface of the earth. The average depth that garden gnomes reside at is 328 feet below sea level, which makes them both remote and exclusive creatures. You might say they’re “below the surface” exclusive.
2) They were once hunted for their eggs.
Garden gnomes are closely related to komodo dragons, which gives them a dangerous bite (often deadly if not treated) and the ability to breathe fire (also often deadly if not treated). For centuries garden gnomes were hunted by evil men who would sneak into their homes at night and steal their eggs. This form of hunting was outlawed in the early 1600s because it caused the population to drastically decline.
3) Garden gnomes are picky when it comes to food.
Garden gnomes subsist on a diet of earthworms and flies, which they swallow whole and alive so their digestion system can slowly take care of the meal. They will only eat male flies and earthworms, however, because females carry eggs that could result in baby garden gnomes. That’s just gross.
4) Gnomes are very territorial.
Garden gnomes will attack any creature that enters their territory, whether it be human or animal, but they will only fight to the death if provoked. If you live near garden gnomes and discover gnome footprints in your yard it’s important not to panic, but also take precautions to avoid being attacked.
5) Garden gnomes have been known to eat small children.
For thousands of years garden gnomes have been living under our homes unbeknownst to us, silently waiting for the opportunity to eat small children (or pets if it’s an exceptionally hungry night). If you suspect your child may be a victim of garden gnome aggression, take the following precautions:
- Watch your child very closely.
- When you go to sleep, place your child in a sturdy wooden playpen with only pots and pans for toys so if your child is eaten it can’t make any noise.
- Don’t let your children play with the neighbors kids, especially if they have green skin.
6) Garden gnomes were the first hunters to wear camouflage.
Garden gnomes are natural predators, and since their land is covered by snow for most of the year they developed a unique fur pattern that allows them to blend in with their environments. This made it easier for them to sneak up on prey, which gave garden gnomes an evolutionary advantage over other hunters.
7) The term “gnome” means “underground monster.”
While many people believe that garden gnomes are cute little statues that bring good luck, the truth is that they are vicious creatures capable of eating small children. They spend most of their time sleeping in our gardens, but when they wake up they will kill anyone who gets in their way. That includes you, so be careful when working out in your yard!
8) Garden gnomes are wily and intelligent.
Garden gnomes travel in packs, and the most dominant male is considered to be the pack leader. The pack travels underground using tunnels that they carve beneath the earth with their powerful jaws. They will try to surround you and devour as much of your flesh as possible, so it’s important to be as wily as they are!
9) Garden gnomes can reproduce asexually.
Garden gnome eggs go through a unique metamorphosis where males hatch from the outside and females from the inside. This is why males have the ability to breathe fire, which is used to ward off competing pack leaders who try to force them into subservience.
10) Garden gnome eggs are very valuable.
Garden gnomes often steal children’s toys and valuables in order to trade them for eggs, which makes it important not to leave your items unattended. If you find a garden gnome’s nest in your yard, stay away from it and contact the authorities immediately.
11) Garden gnomes have been known to ramble about on “them big ol’ pigs.”
Another interesting fact about garden gnomes is that they can grow very large over time. The average garden gnome weighs a few pounds and stands 1-3 feet tall, but some can be as heavy as 20 pounds and as tall as 4-6 feet. They will ramble about on “them big ol’ pigs” and try to intimidate people with their size, but it’s important not to be fooled by their tricks.
12) The first garden gnome was discovered by a young boy named Billy Lynch.
Billy Lynch was playing in his backyard when he fell through the earth and landed face to face with a garden gnome, who had been asleep for thousands of years. Fortunately Billy wasn’t eaten, but because he didn’t have anything to defend himself with the gnome tied him up and dragged him back to his lair. For the next 32 years he was tortured by being forced to listen to the gnome’s stories, until one day Billy finally escaped the gnomes clutches when it went out for its daily hunt.
13) Garden gnomes are the only true gardeners.
While it may seem like flowers grow in gardens on their own, that’s simply not the case. In fact, garden gnomes are the ones responsible for planting flowers every spring and taking care of them throughout the summer. That’s right, those large green guys outside your house are miracle workers!
So, if you’re looking for a unique garden decoration that will help ward off the winter blues, then this just might be what you’re looking for.
Garden gnomes are often overlooked as home decor but they have many interesting characteristics and abilities to offer prospective homeowners. They can’t make any noise so it’s easy to spot them in your yard or even walking around on their big ol’ pigs or in their underground tunnels. If you want more information about garden gnomes check out the rest of our site (BuyGardenGnomes.com!)
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