Hi. My name is Mark, and I hate my garden gnome.
You might be asking yourself why on Earth I would want to share something like this with all of you fine folks out there in Internet land. The answer is simple: most people have at least one “thing” that they’re embarrassed about loving, whether it’s a movie, a television show, or even just an old childhood toy. That’s where this blog comes in-I want to share my embarrassing little secret with all of you so that I can get it out in the open and have someone tell me that there are other people who love their gnomes too. After all, I bet if we put our heads together we could come up with all kinds of fun stuff to do with gnomes in the privacy of our own homes and gardens!
The thing is, I don’t even know where this fascination came from. My mother never let me have a garden gnome when I was a kid-the closest thing I ever got was a few garden sculptures made of metal and concrete. I don’t even like the taste of mushrooms! But for some reason, ever since I first saw a garden gnome as a kid, I’ve been absolutely infatuated with them. There’s something about their wonderfully misshapen heads and beards that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside…
And yet, despite my love for garden gnomes, I can’t go out in public with them. You see, if there’s one thing that I don’t want to be known for in real life, it’s liking these ugly little statues. This is the main reason why I avoid posting gnome pictures on Facebook or Instagram-if someone doesn’t think I’m cool enough, they’re going to learn the truth about me and spread it around for everyone else to laugh at. The other reason is that I work in a place where there’s cameras all over the place-the last thing I need is one of my coworkers sending out a snapchat or making a post on Facebook that shows up on someone’s feed.
And so, for years and years, I’ve had to keep my love of garden gnomes a secret. Other than the pictures on my cell phone and the ones that might get printed out on occasion, there’s just no way for me to show them off in public without anybody seeing them. And while some people might be okay with keeping their obsession hidden away, I’ve come to realize that it’s just not enough for me anymore.
That’s why I’m starting this blog-I want everyone out there who shares my affinity for gnomes to know that I’m one of them too.
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