Every day, thousands of garden gnomes across the country are involved in heated debates with their neighbors. “You’re too loud,” “you’re wrong,” and the ever popular “I’m right!” are just a few of the many phrases heard.
If you have ever found yourself in this situation, don’t fret. Here are some tips on what to say when arguing with a garden gnome.
1) The First Step to Successful Arguing
The first step to successfully arguing with your garden gnome is the most important, but often overlooked. Before you can successfully tell your gnome why he is wrong, you must first understand what he is saying. Yes, very zen.
2) Let Your Gnome Speak
Garden gnomes can be too stubborn to listen. But sometimes, they just really want to be heard. Make sure that your gnome gets the chance to speak his mind before you start arguing.
3) Ask Questions
Garden gnomes are often very knowledgeable, especially when it comes to the garden. Be respectful and ask them for their expertise rather than simply arguing about your opinion. Chances are, you’ll learn something new!
4) Use Non-Offensive Language
Gnomes aren’t as sensitive as humans, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings. Stick to using “I feel…” instead of “You are…” and you’re on your way to successfully arguing with a garden gnome.
Avoid phrases such as:
- You’re annoying.
- I’m so much better than you.
- How dare you?
- I’m right, you’re wrong. I don’t want to hear it.
- You little shit.
5) List Your Points
Often, when arguing with garden gnomes, it gets very heated and neither party makes any progress. When this happens, make an argument chart to stay organized. For example, if the gnome is wrong for being too loud, state your case with a list of reasons, e.g.
- Gnomes can be heard from a long distance away.
- Gnomes are often not allowed in the house.
- Gnomes often bring up their family lineage which no one cares about.
Once you make your argument chart, it should be much easier to add counterpoints when the gnome makes his argument.
6) Don’t Make It Personal
Sometimes, garden gnomes like to get emotional and personal during an argument. For example, a garden gnome might say, “If you weren’t my neighbor, I wouldn’t even bother talking to you.”
Don’t let your emotions take over and make the argument personal. Keep calm and focus on the issue at hand- whatever that may be.
7) Stay Focused On The Issue
When arguing with a garden gnome, it’s very easy to get distracted and start arguing about something else entirely. If you do find your argument shifting focus, take a break and calm down before trying again.
8) Stop, Think, And Take A Hike
If you find yourself getting particularly heated during the argument, take a break. Go for a walk around the garden and think about what you’re going to say next time instead of listening to your gnome ramble on.
9) Remember That We’re All Human (Apart From Garden Gnomes, Who Aren’t)
At the end of the day, we’re all just human. Try to remember that your garden gnome is a living being just like you. Don’t try to win the argument- just have a conversation with him and learn from it.
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