By Gertrude Yoder & Mike Satchelfoot (Special Respondent to The Chimes)
There comes a time in every man’s life when he must ask himself, “What have I done with my summer?” This year, local resident Henry Stottlemeyer realized it was March and he still hadn’t put away his winter boots.
It was this moment of epiphany that led to Henry’s shocking decision: he would turn his back on the greenhouse cultivation of flora and embrace a simpler, wilder way of life. He gave away all his houseplants and replaced them with garden gnomes.
“I used to look out my window at those flowers, and think, ‘This is a good life,'” Henry said. “But when I started paying attention, I realized the flowers were everywhere – in front of my neighbor’s house, by the side of the road, even in that brown paper bag over there. How could I possibly miss them? They’re just so common.”
Henry says he prefers to take his leisure time now in a more traditionally masculine fashion: he and his gnomes like to go on walks together, and sometimes they throw rocks at each other. “I feel like I’m doing something that matters,” he said.
“The sooner you make the switch to garden gnomes, the happier you’ll be!” he added.
Comments: 14
Mike Satchelfoot posted: “Frankly, I think the author is just jealous that he hasn’t upgraded to a four-bedroom apartment yet. And even if he did, there’s no way that apartment could fit fifty gnomes.”
Gertrude Yoder posted: “I’m confused by why Henry wants to avoid flowers. Like, what’s wrong with them?”
Mike Satchelfoot posted: “Maybe he just doesn’t like them because they’re unnatural. Maybe he thinks flowers should be replaced with pictures of people’s heads on sticks.”
Gertrude Yoder posted: “But…that’s wrong. Why would he think that? I don’t understand.”
Mike Satchelfoot posted: “Which part? The pictures of heads on sticks, or the avoiding flowers?”
Gertrude Yoder posted: “Both, I guess.”
Mike Satchelfoot posted: “Honestly, Gertie. It’s like you’re not even trying.”
Gertrude Yoder posted: “You’re right, Mike. I’m sorry. I’ll give it my best.”
Joe Smith posted: “What? I don’t get it.”
Gertrude Yoder posted: “It’s about people making choices in how they live their lives and then accepting what comes of those choices.”
Mike Satchelfoot posted: “No. It’s about a man who made a bad choice and is now trying to justify it.”
Gertrude Yoder posted: “Oh, wait – you’re right. You’re absolutely right, Mike.”
Mike Satchelfoot posted: “HA! Thanks for playing.”
Henry Stottlemeyer posted: “I’m sorry – did I miss something? What just happened?”
Gertrude Yoder is a freelance journalist and short story author from Philadelphia, PA. When she’s not busy writing, she can usually be found in her kitchen, trying out new recipes with ingredients like cottage cheese and canned beef.
Mike Satchelfoot is an artist living in Ohio. Some of his favorite things include the number five, winter hats that are too tight, and talking to plants.
Originally published in The Chimes, a weekly e-zine. © 2012 [Retrieved 08/09/2021]
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