The 27 gnomes featured in this article are the worst of the worst. Some are simply too ugly to be considered garden decorations, some are just downright rude, and others are so strange that you’ll have no idea what they’re for. But all of them deserve a place on your list of terrible garden gnomes. They really, truly make us sick.
1) Pee-Wee Herman Gnome
This gnome is a porcelain statue of Pee-Wee Herman from the infamous episode about his bike being stolen from his yard. He is forever cursed to remain in his tiny lawn chair, no matter how much he wishes he could run free.
2) Lobster Nixon
Lobster Nixon is part of our Terrible Garden Gnomes for Geeks series. He’s a large 7 1/4-inch tall resin statue that looks like the famous Richard M. Nixon statue that was in the “War is over” poster, only with lobster claws and one eye.
3) Police Officer Pot Belly Gnome
In this case, size does matter. The Police Officer Pot Belly Gnome is a full 8 inches tall and as wide as he is fat. His little pot belly looks like it could burst at any moment from the pressure of holding up his round body. Absolutely revolting.
4) Toothless Gnome
There’s something about gnomes that look like they’re missing their front teeth. Maybe it’s to show how hard-working and honest they are by not having any retainers to screen what goes on in their mouths, or maybe it’s because gnomes just don’t care that they’re missing their teeth. The Toothless Gnome has a strange smile that leaves you with the impression that he could be as friendly as Winnie the Pooh or as dangerous as Edward Scissorhands.
5) Cold War Russian Guardsmen Gnome
This is part of our Terrible Garden Gnomes for Geeks series. The Cold War Russian Guardsmen Gnome is a resin statue that looks like one of those statues you can see in Russia and other parts of the former Soviet Union, such as the old KGB building. This gnome has a mortarboard on his head and holds an AK-47 rifle across his chest. He’s wearing a heavy wool coat and has boots on his feet.
6) Pile o’ Dung Gnome
There’s nothing quite like having a gnome whose main talent is that he can create piles of dung wherever he goes. This is one ugly gnome, with its hard-to-look-at expression, eyes that say he’s up to no good, and a mouth full of yellowed teeth. He’s wearing a tartan shirt and has a dirty rag tied around his waist. He truly is terrible, hence his place in this list.
7) Howdy Doody Gnome
Howdy Doody was the star of a long-running children’s TV series in the 1950s. He had freckles with orange hair, a broad grin, and is wearing blue overalls over a white shirt. The Howdy Doody Gnome doesn’t look quite as friendly as the TV character was supposed to be. And if you know his story, he wasn’t too happy about being betrayed by Buffalo Bob.
8) Rocky the Garden Gnome
The Rocky Garden Gnome is a 1978 model from the Marx gnome line. This particular garden gnome doesn’t look too happy about being included on this list of the 27 worst garden gnomes, but he totally deserves it for wearing nothing but a pair of red boxing gloves and black workout shorts that show his pale skin.
9) The Fallen One
The Fallen One is another resin statue. He’s part of our Terrible Garden Gnomes for Geeks series and shows a darkly dressed gnome who has fallen on some kind of bad luck and ended up with a pile of rocks at his side. The Fallen One has a long, thin face and looks like he may have made some bad choices in life.
10) World’s Largest Teapot Gargoyle Gnome
The World’s Largest Teapot Gargoyle Gnome is one of the most impressive yet terrible-to-behold gnomes ever created by Brackitz Toys. This garden gnome is made of resin and stands at a whopping 9 inches tall. It has a very large teapot body with handle ears and wings that come out of its back.
11) The Rude Gnome
The Rude Gnome is a resin statue. He’s part of our Terrible Garden Gnomes for Geeks series and shows a gnome with his hand out as if he’s asking you to give him money. This garden gnome also has a thumb sticking down, which makes it look like he wants you to do something else with him.
12) Reverse Image of a Garden Scarecrow
This is one of the worst garden gnomes to have ever been manufactured. He looks like he was made by someone who throughly studied a scarecrow, took notes on how it’s made, then turned everything around backwards to make this nightmarish gnome statue. He has a long nose, beady eyes, and straw poking out the top of his head. If you want to look at this guy, there’s something wrong with you.
13) Chuckles the Clown Garden Ornament
No one likes clowns, especially those who have nightmares about them after watching Stephen King’s It or seeing Poltergeist. These kinds of gnomes look creepy enough to pop up and scare you in your dreams. The Chuckles the Clown Garden Ornament is a resin statue that shows a clown with a red nose and hair sticking out from his white wig.
14) Foul-Mouthed Garden Gnome
This garden gnome is holding up a middle finger, which makes it one of the worst gnomes to have in your yard or garden. It’s just plain rude. This ugly little guy has an unkempt beard and wears nothing but a red hat, blue pants, and orange boots.
15) Peeing Dog Statue
The Peeing Dog Statue, also known as the Pooch Fountain, is a resin statue with a pet peeve. He’s mad that he’s being forced to pee in an old boot with just one leg. This garden gnome statue can hold his water in the boot, but it looks like he really needs to go.
16) Sitting Gnome on Potty
There are many things wrong with this potty-loving garden gnome. First of all, this ugly little bastard is sitting on the toilet, running out of time for his next bowel movement. Aside from that, he has a grimaced face and bloodshot eyes–big signs that he’s suffering from hemorrhoids after sitting too long on the loo.
17) Official Bob The Builder Garden Gnome
This is, without a doubt, the worst official garden gnome on this list of bad garden gnomes. He’s wearing a hard hat and has a hammer at his feet. His face looks like he just got out of prison or something. And then there are those teeth… How they could do such a thing to a pleasant childhood character is beyond us.
18) Bench Gnome
This resin statue has a large mound on his head with tree roots coming out of it. His face is obscured by the leaves coming out of his mouth, but he still looks evil. The Bench Garden Gnome has a black bodysuit that’s tight at the crotch and loose at the top. He also wears boots that go up halfway his calves and carries a gray book in one hand and an ivory dagger in the other. He looks like some kind of demon hunter.
19) Garden Spirit of the Woods
The Garden Spirit of the Woods is a very strange statue. The little gnome has a deer in its mouth and a bird in his hand. It looks like he’s going to murder them, cook them up, and eat them. If this isn’t bad enough, when you look at the tree behind him it appears as if he’s chopping off a limb. It’s probably the best bad garden gnome statue on this list of 27 terrible garden statues.
20) The Wicker Man
The Wicker Man is certainly one of the worst garden gnomes ever. This resin statue shows a terrifying man-goat hybrid wearing a straw hat and an evil smile. He’s also wearing a belt made of leaves, which is equal parts horrifying and uncomfortably erotic.
21) Iggy & George Rockin’ Out on a Log
Iggy & George Rockin’ Out on a Log is one of the best garden gnomes for people who love bad things. These two gnomes have been turned into monsters. Iggy, with his red nose and earrings, looks like he’s just done too much acid. He’s holding a cigarette that must be pumped full of some kind of drug although George doesn’t seem to notice.
22) Cigar Gnome
The Cigar Gnome is a resin garden gnome statue that shows a little guy with his fishing stick, but what makes him one of the worst garden gnomes is the cigar sticking out of his mouth. The dude might as well just get a tattoo on his stomach that reads “Bad Arse” because he looks like one.
23) Oh Gnome You Didn’t!
The Oh Gnome You Didn’t! is a resin statue of an ugly gnome with his hand stuck in a woman’s behind. It looks like he’s saying, “Oh, you didn’t” because we live in a sick world and no one learns any lessons.
24) Jimmy Jumping Bean
Jimmy Jumping Bean is one of the worst garden ornaments you could have in your yard. He looks like a large pile of vomit that got up and started moving around. His eyes are just two black dots while his mouth looks like it’s sticking out its tongue at someone. The little gnome also has buck teeth, which makes him even more disturbing.
25) Mr. Ufoua the Garden Gnome
This is another terrible garden gnome statue with an odd appearance. He’s got one eye, a long nose, ears that are pointed at the top, and big ol’ buck teeth. The only thing he’s wearing is a brown hat and a green tunic. His hands are folded over his chest, which makes him appear to be praying. You’ll be praying you never have to see him again, he’s just so ugly to behold.
26) Ugly Nessie Gnome
Nessie is one of the most well-known creatures in the world, but this ugly garden gnome version of him is something we could certainly do without. He’s made from resin and has a long neck, which his head sits on like a turkey would sit on its own neck. The water at his feet looks like it’s boiling and his expression is just plain hideous.
27) The World’s Ugliest Garden Gnome (Grumpy Gnomer)
This ugly garden gnome has a gray beard, black rings around its eyes, and a wart on its nose. One of its eyes also appears to be out of place like it wants to get away from the rest of the gnome. It stands with its arms on his hips and is looking away from whoever is taking a photograph of him.
Really though: he might not sound that bad, but Grumpy Gnomer really is terrible.
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