The story of the Garden Gnome is a long and twisted tale. It begins in ancient Greece, when the home garden was an extension of the household and gardens were tended by slaves. The Greeks believed that to maintain harmony with nature, humans should live in close proximity to it. They also believed that just as plants need sunlight and water, so do people. And so they would often place statues or fountains in their gardens for this purpose. These statues became known as “Garden Gods” or “Garden Spirits.”
In 18th century Europe these figures evolved into what we know today: gnomes–a small person dressed like a peasant from northern Europe who lives underground and guards treasure such as gold coins or precious stones. Since they were first introduced to the United Kingdom in the early 20th century, Garden Gnomes have become a favourite yard decoration. But don’t let their cute looks deceive you: they’re as tough as nails.
Whatever the case, sometimes you find yourself pottering about a garden centre, checking what’s on offer. When it’s time to load your purchases into the car, something seems unusual… But you can’t put your finger on what.
There’s a good chance you’ve accidentally bought a gnome.
So, how can you tell? Here’s how.
1) Your garden is being scouted by a group of “older gentlemen”.
In the past, Garden Gnomes were purchased exclusively for their perceived ability to protect a person’s garden from potential thieves. In other words, the Garden Gnomes were purchased as a sort of insurance policy against bad luck. But times have changed and tradition isn’t quite enough to keep these little fellows relevant any more.
In light of this, gnomes have become more and more valuable as time has gone by. To the point where they now have their own trade shows and conventions, not to mention collectibles shops.
And what’s more, groups of older gentlemen now scour the countryside looking for houses to hit… And to steal gnomes from.
2) You’ve started to notice garden gnome-shaped footmarks everywhere.
Pretty soon after you got home, you notice the same “footprints” in your garden. You begin to be curious about what it could be, but dismiss them as animal tracks. However, you’re left scratching your head when you can’t find any animals in your garden.
It’s gnomes.
3) Friends and neighbours say ‘nice gnome’ when they see you outside.
If there’s one thing that garden gnomes are very good at, it’s making friends. It might be that they’re just so darn cute, or it might be that they’re just too darn ugly. Either way, people tend to get attached to them pretty quickly – and will say something every time they see you outside with them! This is best seen when neighbours or friends happen to catch sight of the gnomes in the garden centre.
Of course you’ll be nonplussed. That’s because you don’t know you have a gnome. When, actually, you do.
4) Your dogs bark frantically at nothing in particular for no apparent reason.
This is because dogs have a natural fear of gnomes. Gnomes hide from them during the day and come out at night to do their mischief.
In other words, the gnomes that you have unintentionally purchased come out of hiding when they sense a dog nearby – and your dogs will bark out of fear.
5) Your wife is acting very strangely.
If you think she’s gone off the deep-end and it might be time to put up a fight, start mentioning things that you’re planning to do that don’t involve her.
Whether we like it or not, we’ve all been in this situation before – whether we’re married or just living with someone: your partner is doing some weird stuff and it’s time for some space. Exaggerating an issue can sometimes get rid of them for good!
Start using different words… Move out… Get a lawyer… And if things get too intense, mention violence. For instance: “I’ll call my lawyer.” This way they’ll know there’s no going back from here without serious consequences.
So, there you have it! Five signs that you’ve unwittingly bought a garden gnome. Maybe it wasn’t so serious after all… But maybe it was.
Leave a Comment